Identifying the ways in which sabotage or trip yourself up is a huge step in facilitating change.
Go back to your answers in the How do You Self-Sabotage Quiz (I sent you a copy via email) and review the following steps in getting out of your own way.
1. Consider addressing the habit you’ve rated 5 or above
If there were a lot of them, just pick 3.
Which one is most appealing to you to work on?
Which patterns have the biggest negative impact on your life and relationships?
2. Understand your patterns
Put each of these patterns in your own context.
How is this pattern showing itself in your life?
How would your life be improved if you change this pattern?
Write down all the examples you can think of.
From there, you can make specific behavioural plans about what you’ll start doing instead.
Here’s an example:
if negativity is affecting your relationships, you could set a goal to make one positive comment at every meeting you attend at work, or ensuring the first thing you say when you see your partner/family in the evening will be something positive. You could even set yourself a reminder on your phone first thing in the morning, or before each meeting you attend or just before you get home, reminding yourself “I set the tone of happiness in all my interactions”.
3. Any behaviour plan you come up with needs to have a contextual trigger
In other words, “When X happens, I’ll do Y” as in “When I greet my partner, I’ll say something positive, even if I’m feeling tired or annoyed”.
4. Start SMALL
Aim to improve your habits (by say 1, 5 or 10 %) rather than to eliminate all self-defeating behaviour from your life. That type of perfectionism is self-defeating in itself! Gradual improvements that you make over time will add up to more than you expect and will help rewire your default mindsets and create resilient new habits.